Recently, I recognized that I needed help. Being codependent in my relationships, an approval seeker, I lost my identity. As a result, I chose to take steps toward recovery: I went to an Al-anon and a ACoA meetings today. Below are some of the traits (found in common among individuals that grew up in an alcoholic household) described in "The Laundry List" of ACoA.
- became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures
- became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process
- frightened by angry people and any personal criticism
- have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves (enabling us not to look too closely at our own faults)
- get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others
- confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue"
- have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial)
- judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem
- are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us
- are reactors rather than actors
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