A true story of love.

This is the story of Em and Hannah. About a year ago, Em's local shelter contacted her. They had a 17 years old stray min pin. Em without hesitation took him immediately. He had been found as a stray though he was micro chip, his information was outdated, so sadly, his previous owners were unable to be reached nor found. About 4 days after Em and her husband picked him up, they sadly had to take him to the ER vet as he was struggling to breathe. His kennel cough, which he was treated for, combined with his poor shape,  had turned into severe pneumonia. With a heavy heart, they lost him the following day. While both of them were devastated, they decided that once their ER vet bill would be paid off, they would give a permanent loving retirement home to another senior dog. 
About six months ago, Em heard about a senior lady that had been found as a stray in West Virginia, was going through multiple surgeries to remove cancer through a rescue in MD. Of course Em with her gigantic heart of gold, took it upon herself to get involved. She and her husband had her transported to their home in Virginia. Where today, Miss Hannah resides with her permanent loving family, where she is well cared for. While Hannah has found her permanent loving home, her journey is not yet over. She has more surgeries planned ahead to remove more tumors. She also has two 3.5 luxating patellas and bad anxiety, which she is being treated for both. She does seem much happier and in less pain. We all wish her well!

Hannah has a younger brother, who had been rescued from a puppy mill. Em and her husband opened their home to him when he was just 9 months old. Today, he is 9 years old and is a spitfire. He is slowly warming up to his sister. As his mom claims: "he tolerates her."

I hope this story inspires more of you out there to open your home to these dogs in need of a loving home. I wish to add that I was very impressed by the generosity of Em and her husband to open their home and hearts to these dogs that came through their life. Even though they did not get so much time with their senior male min pin. I know from experience that these short 3-4 days they spent with him, meant the world for this dog. The few hours he spent at their home, a warm safe place where he was surrounded by their love: I am certain he knew he was loved. Remember dogs were the first domesticated animal because they are social. The love we share with them is essential to their well being. Dogs seek to please us. They reciprocate our love. 

Fostering

What does it mean to foster? I would reply: You are saving a life and more. How? you may wonder. Rescue groups and local shelters are limited in their space, so when you foster one of their dogs, it allows them to pull and save another dog from a pound (as now have room freed by you fostering) where otherwise it would await to be euthanized.
What are the best candidates and in great need of foster homes: adolescent dogs, senior dogs and injured or emotionally traumatized dogs. Reality is that most puppies at shelters get adopted first.
When I say "adolescent" dogs, I mean these dogs are passed their "cute" puppy stage and have been at the shelter for a while. These dogs may no longer be puppies though I can tell you from experience they sure still have puppy energy that needs an outlet, plus being kenneled most of their time despite the love and care they received at the shelter, is stressful for any dog. Dogs were the first domesticated animal for a reason, they are social creatures seeking our company. Hence, any dog kenneled for a long time tends to get depressed. You would be offering them a "home" perhaps temporary but it can make all the difference. Think about it, the stress level is much less in a home than at a kennel. Plus, you would be giving them more love and attention that they crave and are in need of. Be aware, many dogs act differently in a kennel than in a home. Hence, you could help correct some learned behaviors. It is true though that fostering is a commitment and requires your time and dedication. In the end, you are rehabilitating a dog that is more likely to be adopted.

Fostering a dog can make a difference for a dog. For instance, an injured or traumatized dog is more comfortable and hence heal faster in a lower stress environment than in a kennel. I can attest of this one personally. About two years ago, I volunteered to foster a new dog. I called a local rescue whom I saw their flyer at a local Starbucks. I informed them of my intention: I had a dog that was very active and was opening my home to any dog that could be a fit. I was not picky though I was clear. I did not care for the age or sex. I needed however a dog that would require exercise as mine walked about 2-8 miles on average daily and did not want to drag a dog nor have my dog pestered it. In other words, a couch potato dog was not an option. I described my dog and sure enough the lady said: "I have the dog for you". She was right. She gave me a little background about the dog. He was a Jack Russell Terrier, a little over 1 year old, so should be very active though he was not doing well at the shelter. He was scared, the poor little guy hided behind his bed so nobody could spot him. As a result, the Anti-Cruelty Society in Chicago contacted this rescue "Tiny Paws Small Dog Rescue" and suggested he gets fostered. I agree to met the lady that afternoon with my dog and see how both interacted. It was a match, my dog and this little guy seem to bond right of. We let them sniffed each other... I agreed to foster him. I was offered to put him back inside his crate for the time of the transportation to my home. I felt pretty confident, I didn't need to plus truthfully I saw how scared he was and didn't seem to want to get back in his crate. So off we went, both dogs in the back seat: no problem, both sat next to one another, no growling. In the end, it took me about 9 months to rehabilitate this fostered dog. He had been badly abused, for nine months, each time I would be about to pet him, he would duck his head as if scared to be hit. Anyhow, 9 months later, he jumped on his own accord on my lap and let me pet him. A quick recall: first night at my home, the supposedly "terrified" dog slept on my bed with his head on my lap: he adopted me. Three days later, I adopted him. While it took him about 9 months to stop fearing people, I know if left at a kennel, he would probably and sadly still be there. Today, Rowdy is a happy dog that beside sign of his broken back legs from his past abused, will come greet anyone with licks and will play and run like any high energy dog. He won't any longer hide in a corner and "snip" if anyone corner him. This is what "fostering" does.

Joy is in the moments shared with my boys

Today, Curley and Rowdy once again reminded me how lucky I was to have them in my life. This morning, both as usual went about their own routine while out on our walk. Taking a moment to observe how they interact with one another, within their environment and with I, I feel "joy", can't help it and smile. They bring me a lot of joy. They are teaching me so much: I am loved. I certainly hope they know how much their mom loves them. They are the loves of my life.

Mindfulness

Recently, I learned that I react. I let past events and what others say, affect me more than it should. Anyhow, after having been wrongly lashed out on by someone I thought I was close to, I realized I had a say in the matter regarding how I felt. I don't believe anyone likes to be yelled at, though it is rather obvious that we don't have to let it make us feel bad.
If and when people lose their temper, they don't think all that clear rather they react on their feelings. Hence, we must accept that we have no control over how they feel. Sadly, we must take care of ourselves and not allow it to affect us.

Being true to yourself

I recently discovered that to be happy, I first needed to be happy with myself. In my awakening, I discovered new things about myself such as I can draw. Until recently, I lived in fear, as an attempt to overcome them, I chose to face them. This led me to take a motorcycle course, I own a Harley; I bought a sketch pad and soon discovered I enjoyed drawing animals; I always feared being seen as bad if stepped outside my "good girl" role, I got a tattoo about 10 days ago.... In other words, I needed to be me, set myself free from my fears.

Spring is here

For the past few days, as the weather has become more pleasant, temperatures rose, the boys and I enjoyed nice sunny walks. As the ice and snow melted, Curley and Rowdy could not resist going for an early spring swim in ponds and rivers. At first, I was concerned the water would be too cold for them, though as I observed them having fun despite getting dirty, I relaxed and enjoyed seeing them taking delight in taking a deep. I cannot emphasize how much I love my dogs. Watching them swimming and or running freely in the woods, along the path, hunting for rodents and or seeking sticks, I feel blessed to have them in my life. We became a family. These dogs are my kids, I am a lucky mom.

Life is now

Surviving meant being in denial. Yesterday, I came to accept that my mother may never apologize nor get better. Part of me was angry as I feel she owes us all an apology for hurting us. Though, I also think that for a parent to face the responsibility of having hurt your children must be horrific, hence, I tell myself that if she didn't get sober or chose to face her responsibility, it's because it would harm her too much. I also reminded myself that she already was hurt to start with, otherwise, she wouldn't have been drinking to swallow her pain. As her child, I will always love her, hence, I need to let go of the fact that it never was nor would it have been different. I need to live in the present.

• there are 3 options: remove yourself from the situation, change it or accept it.
• learning to communicate boundaries effectively "I am not comfortable with that", "I appreciate if you wouldn't...", "Please don't..."

Attempting to let go of the pain and cease being angry

These past few days, I realized that I cannot run away from my past: the pain remains. I feel as if I live in fears. I worry about everything and constantly try to control my surrounding as I live afraid. Truth is I am scared to get hurt though really I am hurting myself by living in fear. I can't forget what happened in my childhood, nor can I erase from my memory what I heard. I can however slowly and with practice let go of my fears. I need to accept that things today and tomorrow are and will be different. I need to be living in the present not worrying. As a result, I need to let go of my anger. I always thought I was in control of my anger, I was wrong. Truth is anger is an emotion that does nothing good for my well being. On the contrary, I am embarrassed by it. I don't want to be an angry person. Hence, I need to comprehend better why I am angry and how I can prevent it from controlling me. Yes, I am angry that I never felt part of a family, that my mother who should have been my pillar turned verbally on me. I am upset that alcohol stole my mother and became an obstacle between my family and I. I am upset that I can't forgive yet and let go of the pain. I thought I could, though recently I realized I still had anger buried deep inside. While I'll admit I comprehend anger is an emotion that alerts me, it is toxic and I strongly believe nobody deserves to be yelled or insulted at, despite the pain they caused. I tend to believe perhaps naively that those that hurt us, only hurt us because themselves hurt too. So, while I am angry at my "mother" for her words and actions growing up, she is a human hence not perfect. Yelling or insulting her does not help her nor I. I feel more guilty afterward as I feel I was mean. I don't have to forgive, excuse nor forget what happened, though I must let go for my sanity and for the ones I care about including my mother, father and siblings. I can't still be mad for something I had no control over and which happened years ago. Being angry won't change things, though it certainly will consume me.

As I try to find peace, I wish anyone struggling with anger to work also on letting go. It isn't easy though I truly believe we need to cease being angry. We have a right to our feelings hence feel angry though we must accept that being angry does nothing beneficial for us.

Going forward

I wish to share my experience in hope to prevent others to get hurt. I grew up in a home with a violent alcoholic parent: my mother. Truth is I didn't let go of my pain yet. I am in the process of healing myself. As strange as it may sound to many who didn't grow up in such condition, it is painful and affects us deeply. I thought once I'd leave far away from my family, I'd be safe. I was wrong. I have PTSD, I still jump whenever I get startled. I fear others, as I am afraid I will get hurt. Love is scaring me as I fear getting hurt: rejected. I recently had to cut ties with someone who was verbally and emotionally abusive. That person was controlling, however, I don't entirely condemn him, he obviously has serious issues if he can only insult me as a mean for control and power in our "relationship". I admit like others who are verbally assaulted, I didn't think I could stand up for myself as feared I would be letting him down otherwise. I am angry deep inside at him for hurting me and affecting my self-esteem though I also comprehend that he must hurt if this is how he treated me as a mean to keep me by. Today, I comprehend I didn't ask for him to hurt me nor disrespect me. I have to take care of myself, I cannot change him. As a result, I chose to concentrate on myself and walk away. Truth is he pushed me away by his behavior and words. I don't deserve nor want to be treated so poorly. Contrary to what he would claim: "he isn't the best thing that happened to me, he may well have been one of the worst thing as toxic".

Standing up!

I woke up once again thinking of someone who I wanted to rescue. Truth is I am upset. I have been hurt by this person, which I enabled to happen over and over. I constantly made excuses. When do we start to accept that we need to change our behavior? When the pain is too much? I wonder. I mean, I allowed many people to walk all over me, on the premise that they didn't mean too (convinced myself, they couldn't do it truly intentionally). Of course, I felt used, hurt and became angry in the moment as it happened though I also hurried to burry deep down how I felt. I didn't believe I had a right to stand up for myself. Today, I comprehend I struggle between what I know and think, and what I believe. I may know that I have the right to my feelings though I don't believe it. As a result, I coward and let "abuse" happen. 

ACoA has its own serenity prayer version:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change. The courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know that one is me."

I do come to understand that what made me stay for so long by the side of my tormentors, or ignore my true feelings is that I hoped one day, these people would change because they could. Today, I had to admit I can only change my behavior. Furthermore, hoping that others get better needs to cease being a preoccupation of mine. These people that hurt me (and themselves) are obviously in denial. I cannot force them to look at themselves. I can only remove myself from further painful situations. I can stop allowing them to hurt me by keeping my distance. I'll admit it is difficult at first as I felt responsible for their wellbeing for so long, hence felt as if I was letting them down. I now comprehend, I never let them down, instead I was letting myself down. 

Seeking help: ACoA

Recently, I recognized that I needed help. Being codependent in my relationships, an approval seeker, I lost my identity. As a result, I chose to take steps toward recovery: I went to an Al-anon and a ACoA meetings today. Below are some of the traits (found in common among individuals that grew up in an alcoholic household) described in "The Laundry List" of ACoA.

• became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures
• became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process
• frightened by angry people and any personal criticism
• have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves (enabling us not to look too closely at our own faults)
• get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others
• confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue"
• have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial)
• judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem
• are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us
• are reactors rather than actors

Breaking the pattern of codependency

Yesterday, I chose to regain control of my life. Truth is I hit rock bottom (wakeup call), which triggered me to make change imperative. Instead of ignoring or minimizing the facts, I finally recognized them as difficult and painful, and true. Begins my recovery process.

1. Understanding what is meant by codependency. 

As described by Darlene Lancer, MFT (licensed marriage and family therapist): "In relationships, codependents' lives revolve around someone else - especially those they love. Their loved ones preoccupy their thoughts, feelings, and conversations. Like jumpy rabbits, they react to everything, put aside what they need and feel, and try to control what they can't. The stress of it feels normal, but it's not."

"Codependency is insidious and powerful. It robs you of joy, peace of mind, and the ability to have sustained, loving relationships. It affects your relationship with yourself and with others."

"Codependents live with a high degree of shame, stress, and reactivity. They suppress their feelings or explode, and have behaviors that stem from fear, guilt, and the need to control others. [...] Often codependent relationships involve emotional or physical abuse and addiction. [...] codependents feel trapped and unhappy because they give up themselves by denying or suppressing their needs and feelings and fear being alone or rejected. To cope, they sometimes disregard what's actually happening in the present." (This rings true for myself)

"Codependents feel uncomfortable being themselves. They develop a persona in the world that reacts to others, to their own self-criticism, and to their imagined ideal of who they should be. To be acceptable to others and to themselves, they hide who they are and become who they aren't. Shame due to earlier trauma conceals their real, core self, which they can't access. Many codependents aren't even aware of how self-critical they are, yet they suffer "tyranny of the shoulds"." (I always felt as if I have a mask on, pretending to be someone I am not, someone others expect me to be)

"Dysfunctional parenting in childhood (such as, critical, indifferent, rigid, invasive, inconsistent, or rejecting parents) causes codependents to repress their authentic feelings and develop deep shame-based beliefs about who they are and their rights, needs and lovability. Sometimes their beliefs are due to abuse, and sometimes they're inferred from the behavior of indifferent or emotionally unavailable parents. Shame is also the result of the anger they turned against themselves, instead of directing it toward the parents they looked up to and relied upon for survival."

"To get by, many codependents learned to comply and measure up to an imagined ideal. Others withdrew or rebelled. As adults, some codependents constantly fell inadequate, whereas others identify with their ideal self and think they have high self-esteem. Many become perfectionists to balance the self-hatred they feel inside. They may strive to be loving, good, beautiful, accomplished, or successful in an effort to prove their worth and/or to be independent and never again need anyone. Yet, the more they try, the more depressed they become, because they're abandoning the real self that wasn't nurtured by their original caretakers."

"denial is a symptom of codependency"

2. What codependents feel

"Because either you weren't taught to name your feelings or your childhood environment prevented their free expression, it's likely that you're not often aware of your feelings. Having emotions is different. Codependents can cry and rage, but aren't able to name a feeling or know why they're upset." (How I feel)

"People who are overwhelmed with feelings need to contain and understand them." (I feel overwhelmed by my feelings which I don't understand)

Life is a journey

I am a people pleaser. I suffer as it is affecting me: I am codependent. I judge and second guess myself all the time. I struggle with anxiety which stems from a low self esteem. My childhood without getting into the details affected me more than I was willing to admit. As I begin the process to recovery, I wish to let others know that they are not alone. I will share my insights and thoughts as I work toward my goal: finding myself.

To be codependent means for me: I can't say no, I fear I am letting others down, I feel guilt for not helping others (even though at times I don't want to), I feel responsible for making others happy (including strangers).

Price to pay: I have been labeled "type A" personality, tending toward "perfectionism". In social settings, I feel at odd, hence avoid socializing by helping the host, will offer to do the dishes..., I feel uncomfortable and out of place around loud music, noise, crowd of people, as I feel confused.
Alternatively, I can seem to seek the attention by becoming loud without realizing it. Either way, I always feel like a failure as I know my behavior is not how I wish I had acted.

I compulsively seek acceptance. I will hide what I feel to avoid disapproval while I can be explaining my issues to others without them listening as mostly irrelevant to them. It seems I don't respect others' personal space. I don't realize what I did until later. It is embarrassing.

While I can be a great listener to many, I can without intent engage in a discussion where I am not really listening, instead I am having a monologue. I come to realize it is not a "discussion". I am often not aware I am doing it until later. It is mortifying.

Codependent individuals care about others. We come with good intentions. The struggle is we tend to want others to want what we think to be best in our opinion. Truth is others need to express themselves, which we tend to deflect.

I don't accept compliments or favors well. I tend to think I don't deserve them.

I think about the past constantly. I wish I could alter my past actions or the outcomes of interactions.

Today, I come to accept that I need to learn to set boundaries for myself while respecting others' boundaries. I need to leave the past in the past, as I can't change it. I can only change my behavior.

First step: Recognizing the issues

• I feel like I am walking on egg shells
• I fear confrontation hence avoid such at all costs
• Make poor (or wrong) decisions trying to accommodate others
• Feel angry at myself for letting others get their way (doormat)
• Feel guilt for telling little white lies as to avoid anger and conflicts with others
• Feel used 
• Feel incapacitated to say "NO"
• Feel hurt (ashamed) by the lack of control in my behavior 
• Find it difficult if not impossible to end an obviously dysfunctional relationship 
• Fear offending others if we were to impose our desires upon them

Snow day

Today, the boys enjoyed a walk in the snow. Curley as usual found himself a stick, while Rowdy bounced around. Despite being a foot deep in the snow, we enjoyed ourselves.

The boys enjoy the snow, they don't mind it. Curley was so proud with his stick, while Rowdy led the way.

Rowdy takes off. Curley tries to keep up.

My boys are my kids

Sophie la giraffe or Sophie the giraffe is an all natural rubber teether. Sophie's spots are made of food paint. ("Sophie the Giraffe is made of 100% natural rubber and food paint, and is completely safe to chew, just like a feeding bottle teat.") What I find charming about my dogs chewing and playing with it is that the toy is made in France and it squeaks. In my own opinion it is a great dog toy. My dogs love it and have not destroyed it despite being soft. I find also interesting that my dogs particularly enjoy nibbling on her head and legs. The various bumps on her head were originally designed to soothe baby's gums ("numerous chewable parts (ears, horns, legs), make her perfect for soothing baby's sore gums during teething").

It seems that my dogs whom I consider my kids are literally my babies who hence chew on a french teether. How appropriate.

Books worth reading

Some of my favorite books:

• The Call of the Wild / White Fang by Jack London
• A Lucky Child by Thomas Buergenthal
• Number The Stars by Lois Lowry
• Rosa Park: My Story by Rosa Parks and Hasking
• Wild by Cheryl Strayed
• A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
• Persuasion by Jane Austen
• The Awakening by Kate Chopin
• Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
• Body of Work by Christine Montrose
• My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor. Ph. D.
• Finding Life In The Land of Alzheimer's by Lauren Kessler
• The Dirty Life by Kristin Kimball
• Night by Elie Wiesel
• To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
• The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
• Lunch in Paris by Elizabeth Bard
• Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
• The Silent Boy by Lois Lowry
• Half Broken Horses by Jeannette Walls
• The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
• Look Me In The Eyes by John Elder Robison

A new resolution for 2014

I admit having a sweet tooth, which I have been struggling with for years. I recognize that I need to cut back as I rather be proactive and avoid becoming diabetic. As a result, I will attempt to limit myself and try to be an abstainer. I already abstain from drinking any soda including diet soda, consuming processed candy bars (though I allow myself some during october in the spirit of Halloween), and avoid for the most part all food items with corn syrup. I wondered what I would like to do differently this year as to help me decrease the amount of sugar I consume on a daily basis. I already eliminated the sugar I used to add to my coffee or tea. Though I came to recognize that while I have some success doing this, I also failed as I consume "sugared coffee based drinks" such as caramel macchiato or even Starbucks' frappuccino. I will hence attempt to abstain from such sugary drinks this coming year. Like Gretchen Rubin describes it, I am not good as a moderator instead I am rather successful as an abstainer. It seems drastic though I admit wanting to be healthier, which requires I decrease and limit my sugar intake. I admit believing that in the long run, I'll feel better and happier with myself for taking such step to be in better control of my sugar addiction. As to help me, I will allow myself some fake fall back such as the permission to eat "sweet desserts" at fancy restaurants, and on special occasions such as a birthday (though I already don't consume cake on such events if made from cake mix as I find it to be artificial).
Another exception will include ice-cream. I will continue to allow myself occasionally some all natural ice cream (I avoid the ones made with corn syrup). Last, I would like to limit my consumption of carb. I am French and love my bread. I will still allow myself to consume fresh baked bread on occasions but will attempt to decrease my carb intake, will avoid flour except in fresh all natural baked goods. I will also permit myself to enjoy pasta on occasions.

Italian Almond Tart

Italian Almond Tart (one of my favorite especially with raspberry jam)

Ingredients:

• 1 rolled-out round of tart dough (see related
    recipe below)
• 8 Tbs. (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room
    temperature
• 1⁄2 lb. almond paste, cut into 1-inch cubes
• 1⁄4 cup sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1⁄3 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
• 1⁄3 cup raspberry, plum or cherry jam (I use Bonne Maman brand)
• 1⁄3 cup sliced almonds

Directions:

Fold the dough round in half and carefully transfer to a 9 1/2-inch tart pan, preferably with a removable bottom. Unfold and ease the round into the pan, without stretching it, and pat it firmly into the bottom and up the sides of the pan. Trim off any excess dough by gently running a rolling pin across the top of the pan. Press the dough into the sides to extend it slightly above the rim to offset any shrinkage during baking.

Refrigerate or freeze the tart shell until firm, about 30 minutes. Meanwhile, position a rack in the lower third of an oven and preheat to 375°F.

Line the pastry shell with aluminum foil or parchment paper and fill with pie weights or raw short-grain rice. Bake for 20 minutes, then lift an edge of the foil. If the dough looks wet, continue to bake, checking every 5 minutes, until the dough is pale gold, for a total baking time of 25 to 30 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack.

Position a rack in the middle of the oven and reduce the heat to 350°F.

In a bowl, using an electric mixer on medium speed or a whisk, beat the butter until smooth. Add the almond paste, one piece at a time, beating until smooth after each addition. While continuing to beat, sprinkle in the sugar. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in the flour.

Spread the jam evenly over the bottom of the partially baked tart shell. Spoon in the almond paste mixture and spread evenly over the jam. Sprinkle the surface evenly with the sliced almonds.

Bake the tart until the filling is golden and the middle is firm to the touch, 35 to 45 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack and let the tart cool completely. If using a tart pan with a removable bottom, let the sides fall away, then slide the tart onto a serving plate. Serve at room temperature.

Makes one 9 1/2-inch tart; serves 8.

Adapted from Williams-Sonoma Collection Series, Pie & Tart, by Carolyn Beth Weil (Simon & Schuster, 2003).

Basic Tart Dough (pâte sablée)

Ingredients:

• 1 egg yolk
• 2 Tbs. very cold water
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1 1⁄4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
• 1⁄3 cup sugar
• 1⁄4 tsp. salt
• 8 Tbs. (1 stick) cold unsalted butter, cut into
    1⁄4-inch cubes

Directions:

In a small bowl, stir together the egg yolk, water and vanilla; set aside.

To make the dough by hand, in a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar and salt. Using a pastry cutter or 2 knives, cut the butter into the flour mixture until the texture resembles coarse cornmeal, with butter pieces no larger than small peas. Add the egg mixture and mix with a fork just until the dough pulls together.

To make the dough in a stand mixer fitted with the flat beater, stir together the flour, sugar and salt in the mixer bowl. Add the butter and beat on medium-low speed until the texture resembles coarse cornmeal, with butter pieces no larger than small peas. Add the egg mixture and beat just until the dough pulls together.

Transfer the dough to a work surface, pat into a ball and flatten into a disk. Use the dough immediately, or wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate until well chilled, about 30 minutes.

To roll out the dough, on a lightly floured board, flatten the disk with 6 to 8 gentle taps of the rolling pin. Lift the dough and give it a quarter turn. Lightly dust the top of the dough or the rolling pin with flour as needed, then roll out until the dough is about 1/8 inch thick. Use a small, sharp knife to cut out a round or rounds 2 inches greater in diameter than your tart or larger tartlet pans. Use a small, sharp knife or a cookie cutter to cut out rounds 1/2 to 1 inch greater in diameter than your miniature tartlet pans. If using a rectangular tart pan, cut out a rectangle 2 inches larger on all sides than the pan. Makes enough dough for one 9 1/2-inch tart, six 4-inch tartlets, twelve 2-inch miniature tartlets or one 13 3/4-by-4 1/4-inch rectangular tart.

Nut Dough Variation: Add 2 Tbs. ground toasted pecans, walnuts, almonds or hazelnuts to the flour mixture and proceed as directed.

Make-Ahead Tip: The tart dough may be made ahead and frozen for up to 1 month. To freeze, place the dough round on a 12-inch cardboard circle and wrap it well with plastic wrap. Alternatively, use the round to line a tart pan and wrap well.

Adapted from Williams-Sonoma Collection Series, Pie & Tart, by Carolyn Beth Weil (Simon & Schuster, 2003).